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Following a long illness, the meaning of words died January 19, in Boston.Originally conceived by early humanoids as a one-to-one relationship between a series of sounds (e.g., "apple") and an idea or object (e.g., a round red fruit), the meaning of words allowed people to understand one another, enabling civilization.One of the two principal political factions of the modern United States, the Republican Party died Monday afternoon.The cause was apparent suicide following a long decline in cognition, memory, and grasp of reality.Born in 1819 with the publication of The Vampyre, by John Polidori, the trend centered on mythical creatures who sucked blood, avoided sunlight, and, most recently, looked like Marcel Marceau but with more hair gel.Vampires survived dozens of novels, an HBO series, and a Keanu Reeves movie. "It's like Twilight but much edgier," said Schecter of the book idea. These vampire girls hate drinking blood because they think it's too fattening." Vampires are survived by zombies, werewolves, and investment bankers.Would you like something to soothe your swollen rectal glands?" Born 42 years ago when I first developed the notions of self and shame, My Own Damn Business had been ailing for some time due to numerous questionnaires, surveys, embedded cookies, Facebook's marketing of all my likes and dislikes, Google's list of every search I've ever made, and Hulu's requests about how I rated my "ad experience." My Own Damn Business is survived by a 43-year-old Jewish male who likes parenting, tennis, browsing photos of female swimmers, watching dystopian thrillers, eating southwestern food, and battling eczema.

The concept that a few small parts of my life should remain unknown to corporations or colleagues died Thursday night.

Romance, a method of courtship defined by mystery and subtlety, died February 28. Though it was plagued in recent years by painful bouts of bloat and Reese Witherspoon, the immediate cause of death was Del Taco manager Josh Rivkin uploading a video of his girlfriend squatting above a canister of Pringles, filmed with a camera inside the canister. The trend of vampire-related entertainment died March 14, in New York.

Born in early Sumerian civilization, romance was responsible for countless sonnets, serenades, and chivalrous acts. The cause was Rob Schecter, a Harper Collins editor who assigned a young-adult novel about teenage vampires with anorexia.

Any chance of twenty-three-year-old Jacob Fleming getting laid tonight died Tuesday, at a Red Lobster in St. "I knew we were in trouble when he told me he volunteered for Ron Paul's presidential campaign," said his date, Alyssa Volby, a catalog copywriter. Fleming used the phrase "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you." The chance of Mr.

Fleming getting laid is survived by his date's awkward signaling for the check.

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