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Among them: Lack of role models and invalidation - most people who self-injure were chronically invalidated in some way as children (many self-injurers report abuse, but almost all report chronic invalidation). When I told one of the volunteers, a mother who had been helping me there, she said, "Maybe it's not so bad..."I remembered later that she had also said this about my visa situation, "Maybe it's not so complicated." I felt so hurt by her lack of understanding that I had to bite my tongue not to say "Did you hear one word I said?!

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They learned that certain feelings weren't allowed. They distract themselves with TV, movies, music, shopping, sports, religion, drugs, alcohol etc. Those things don't help me find answers to my questions.

A healthier response, one which is both informative and assertive, without being aggressive, is to simply express your feelings clearly and concisely. So I suppose they think they can tell someone how to feel and, then like magic, that will work, too.

For example, you might respond, "I feel invalidated," "I feel mocked," or "I feel judged." One factor common to most people who self-injure, whether they were abused or not, is invalidation. Now I am wondering,..someone says, "Don't think so much," how does one do that?

This is because I can tell they don't take me and my feelings very seriously. " With a troubled look on his young face, the boy quietly said, "Not good." In response Sue exclaimed, sounding surprised and incredulous, "Not good!? I watched him take a few steps, then just stand there, alone. Maybe his father was the type who would try to distract his son with thrilling and risky sports such as hang gliding, soccer, surfing, and race car driving. I just stood there, stunned, while I watched and made mental notes. Now you might think this one incident is a small thing. Maybe they are good listeners when it really counts. Either way, they all could have handled that situation much better. To remind everyone that it is these little interactions with children that make a difference in their lives and in society. When I got there, she didn't seem very happy to see me. I tried to explain to her what I was afraid of and she said, "Don't think so much." (Actually, looking back, maybe it would have helped. " Then maybe I could have explained it to her and she would have learned something useful and it would have started us on a path of better communication and understanding.

I see that they are not going to do anything to help prevent what it is that I am worried about. That is ridiculous (nonsense, totally absurd, etc.) I was only kidding. I bet it is heaps of fun." Then she turned her attention back to the boy's parents. I still find it hard to believe that anyone could miss a child's reaction that completely. This is probably how he was taught to deal with feelings by his father and by the Australian culture. I probably will never forget the dejected way he turned and walked away. I want it to inspire me to keep working for the needs of children and teenagers. If one were to ask that child how much he felt understood, between 0 and 10, at that moment, what might he have said? It is unlikely considering what happened next, but maybe with someone else it could have helped.)I just sat there, stunned. Then I said, "Why don't you want me to think so much?




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