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I tried to leave a few times, he would threaten to commit suicide, or worse. Nobody knew about the head butts each time he didn't agree with something I did or didn't do.The relationship took an emotional toll to the point where I was getting severe panic attacks. Nobody knew the reason my windshield had shattered was because he had punched it in a fit of rage over what I had worn to school that day. I knew if I stayed, all of those dreams I had when I was a little girl would never be realized. I broke up with him and moved out of the state a week later.By contrast, boys are more likely to report experiencing less severe acts, such as being pinched, slapped, scratched or kicked.Girls are more likely to report committing less serious forms of IPV, including as a means of self-defense, whereas boys are more likely to report committing more severe acts of IPV, including threats, physical violence and controlling a partner.I ended up in the hospital a few times and was put in counseling but I never spoke about the abuse. Nobody knew about the many deliberate close call, head-on collisions while he was threatening to "kill us both." Finally, after almost eight years of abuse, I knew I had to leave. I knew that if I continued on this path, I might never see the light through the darkness. I knew if I didn't leave I could fall back into the cycle.Not because of some fight or big blowout, I was just done. I knew if I wanted any life at all, I had to choose me no matter what the cost. It took many years to repair the mental and emotional damage, but I'm here to say that it is possible.

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But I chose to keep my secret hidden, I chose to protect the people I loved, I chose to find my own way. I found my voice and rebuilt my foundation on self-acceptance and self-love.I am not bitter or resentful, I forgave him the day I left, but I knew I wanted more out of life.Although I had been stripped of all remnants of self-worth, I found an ounce of esteem that told me I deserved better.It soon progressed to name-calling, insults, unfounded accusations, degradation, humiliation, and isolation.The first step in domestic violence is to charm the victim; the second is to isolate the victim. I began believing I deserved the abuse, and thought everybody else believed I was who he said I was.




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