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Over hamburgers and fries, they discussed their mutual fondness for baseball, professional wrestling and books.

“She seemed really high-strung at first,” Duncan said, pointing to a framed photo of the couple on his dresser. We’re a wonderful match.” But as their relationship grew, so did the rules.

Even so, there are practical ways to strike a balance between freedom and safety, said Roberta Opheim, Minnesota’s ombudsman for mental health and developmental disabilities.

She has long argued that sexual health and vulnerability should be among the factors assessed when a disabled person moves into a group home.

“We do this because it makes us uncomfortable, without ever asking what’s right for them.” Rachel Larson, 21, and Nicholas Hamilton, 24, who have developmental disabilities, have been dating about a year, and both have the support of their families.

Romance sometimes seems impossible to Minnesotans with disabilities. That’s all Bradley Duncan is permitted for “alone time” with the woman he fell in love with nearly a year ago.

Often, the barriers are imposed by group home operators that place safety above intimacy.

In the isolating confines of Minnesota’s more than 4,500 group homes, true intimacy can be impossible.

“We are denying people [with disabilities] a fundamental part of being human — the right to have intimacy and connectedness,” said Nancy Fitzsimons, a professor of social work at Minnesota State University, Mankato.

To be taken on a date, Duncan had to notify his group home staff at least 24 hours ahead of time.

Gradually, he built enough trust with his girlfriend’s legal guardian, who oversees her care, so the couple could visit each other at their group homes.

Captivated by her long blonde hair and dark eyes, Duncan introduced himself. The woman, whom he declined to identify, first insisted that she was engaged, then reluctantly agreed to go out with him, Duncan said.

Their first date was a visit to the Minnesota Twins winter caravan in Fergus Falls.




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